ziploc zip'n steam bags

www.ziploc.com/steamerbags

so you, too, have ventured into the world of making your own baby food. time to spend all your money at whole foods on organic produce, bring said produce home to rinse, steam, chop and puree and then serve to your little dictator.

rather than dragging every last pan out of the cupboard to cook and subsequently clean, try using ziploc zip'n steam bags instead.

ziploc zip'n steam bags are easy to use with no cleanup whatsoever. simply chop the veggies, fruit, or other baby-friendly produce, toss them in the bag and then throw the bag in the microwave for a few minutes. voilà!

when you're done, no pots or pans to scrub, just throw away they empty bag and you're done! now you have at least one thing that will make your life as a parent easier.

boobie tuesday! soothies gel pads

www.soothies.com

if you're not a mom, i have a secret for you: breastfeeding is hard. i know - it seems easy, doesn't it? and it is.... eventually. but at first it is tough. it's not as intuitive as you think it'll be, the lactation consultants in the hospital are all totally humorless and it hurts like, well, like a mother.

enter soothies gel pads. soothies are cooling gel pads you can slap directly on your poor, sore breasts for instant relief. cooling gel on one side and fabric on the other, soothies are totally safe for brand new and nursing moms. you can find them in most local drugstores and use them for up to three weeks of soothing support.

i'm about to give away one of my tricks of the trade and tell you about my New Mom Survival Kit. when one of my good friends has a baby, i take her a bag of things i really needed during my first few days at home. in that bag? a dozen bagels, a package of newborn sized pampers swaddlers and a set of soothies gel pads.

monday mommysaver: symphony in motion mobile

www.toysrus.com
tiny love's symphony in motion mobile is great. cole loooooved his mobile starting at almost 2 months. he would have entire conversations with it. the mobile was the first "toy" he really liked... and still does.

your little baby will be fascinated by the bright colors, circular motion and jingly music. the symphony in motion mobile has three cute but bug-eyed little animals on it, prompting us to dub them "stupid cow," "stupid donkey" and "stupid mystery animal," since we can't figure out what the heck the third one's supposed to be.

the mobile is useful at first to buy you 15 minutes to throw some clothes on or pull endless laundry out of the dryer. later, it will serve a different purpose altogether.

for example, thanks to the mobile we just discovered that cole can pull himself up on the side of the crib.....where he also apparently learned how to turn the mobile on and off once he's standing.five minutes after we put him to bed and closed the door, we heard the jaunty tunes of beethoven keeping our child from sleeping. au revoir, mobile. we had a good 9 month run.

offi my pet lamp dachshund

www.designpublic.com

i may have mentioned that i have a dachshund. she was the first child, and now is slightly resentful but fortunately mostly tolerant that there's an actual human baby in the house.

naturally, to make her feel more at home, we put a million dachshund-related items in cole's bedroom. or to satisfy our own dachshund obsession. either way.

but the truth is we did need some additional lighting for his room, and the minute i saw offi's my pet lamp dachshund, i knew it had to come home.

the dachshund lamp comes in six different colors, is made of non-toxic, odorless plastic and it stays cool to the touch in case your little one decides to pet it. woof!

it's binkie time! bunnies by the bay

www.bunniesbythebay.com

among the many fabulous baby gifts we got at our baby shower (thanks, friends and family!) was a little binkie.

"huh," i thought. "well, it's cute, even if i don't know what the hell i'm going to do with it exactly."

little did i know that this would turn out to be the best baby shower present ever.

bunnies by the bay is a great company that makes snuggly and sweet baby gifts, like soft fuzzy hats, flurffy stuffed animals (we like ittybit the bunny in our house) and most importantly, these binkies.

one of the things i gleaned from the ten thousand sleep classes i took was that having a "lovey" (a little something for your baby to snuggle with and associate with sleepytime) is a great bedtime cue. so we tried this binkie and it stuck! bunnies by the bay binkies are just the right size and softness for your baby to bring to bed every night.

word to the wise: buy two, since one will always inevitably be either a) in the hamper, b) confiscated by the dog or c) nowhere to be found. (probably due to "b," i'm guessing.)

new mom necessity: bouncy seat!

www.babiesrus.com

when i was pregnant, i remember asking my friends with kids, "do i really need to get a [fill in the blank]?" and believe me, there was a long long list of baby products and new mom items to fill in the blank.

one of these things was the bouncy seat. did i need one? was it necessary? did i need a bouncy seat and a swing? which kind should i get?

answers: yes, definitely yes, you won't believe me but yes, and fisher-price rainforest bouncer.

my friend lisa used to refer to the bouncer as the "magic seat," and after having a baby, i can understand why. although the first and second times i put cole in the bouncer he hated it, it has been a godsend. need to take a shower? put the bouncer in the bathroom. need to wash dishes? put the bouncer in the kitchen. need 10 seconds to yourself/baby is grumpy and you can't do anything to help? put the baby in the bouncer.

cole ended up liking the bouncy seat so much that we continued to put him in it long after he'd outgrown it. we finally gave up once his entire foot started hanging off the edge and he could practically walk out of it. ah, good times.

sophie the giraffe!

www.amazon.com

have you seen 4-, 5- and 6-month-olds everywhere you go clutching a tiny squeaky giraffe? i have. i couldn't figure out what this weird giraffe cult was and why everyone seemed to be in it but me. then i met sophie.

sophie has been around since 1961 and is a favorite of new moms and tiny babies. she's the cutest teether you'll ever see, with a soft plastic head and bendy legs for teething babies to nibble and drool on. she also has a squeaker that you can use to inadvertently drive your dog crazy.

over 600,000 sophies are sold each year in france, so sophie must be doing something right. (or the french - they did invent french fries.) join the cult of sophie! you know you want to.

baby cubes

www.babycubes.com

yes! my kitchen is a disaster, pureed peaches are flying everywhere, my husband is sneakily eating the organic plums i'm trying to save for my child but i am making my own baby food. woot! now..... where does it go?

baby cubes are the best. they're individual plastic cubes with lids attached, perfect for homemade baby food. they come with their own little tray to pop in the freezer and can hold up to 70ml of food.

baby cubes are dishwasher, freezer and microwave safe, so no more transferring food from the ice cube tray to a separate microwave safe bowl and back into another plastic baby-proof bowl. best of all, they're the perfect portion size, so you can carry them around wherever you need to go!

oh, and did i mention that they're free of phthalates or bisphenol a (bpa)? just one more reason to love baby cubes.

new dictator alert!

congrats to matt & katrina on their baby boy!

declan john was born on april 22 in san francisco, weighing in at 7lb 2 oz and 19 inches long.

congrats to the whole family on their newest addition! (and our new neighbor!)

door signs - tree by kerri lee

www.treebykerrilee.com/

tree by kerri lee makes beautiful handmade baby goods for your little one. she has gorgeous vintage-inspired wall art, picture frames and handmade blocks. but our favorites are the little doorknob signs.

my mom got this one for us to replace the frilly frou frou "baby is sleeping" lace covered, ruffle-edged door sign someone thoughtfully got us at our baby shower. it was very sweet, and we appreciate the thought, and promise i wrote the nicest thank-you note in the whole wide world, but sorry, sign - you now live in the closet. tree's doorknob signs come in sheep, bunny, puppy, elephant, monkey and bear.

we now have this sweet, handmade "asleep/awake" sign at the entry to cole's room. and you can bet that i flip it over to "asleep" every time he goes down for bed in the hope that the power of suggestion will lead to a very, very long nap.

skip hop bottle dryer

www.skiphop.com

it's hard pretending you're still a hipster when you have baby bottles, nipples and sippy cups drying all over your kitchen counter.

at least with the skip hop drying rack, you can look slightly cooler than you might otherwise.

the skip hop drying rack has a modern design and comes with a bottle brush that actually works, meaning room for lots of bottles that are shiny and clean.

because you and i know that you're not just a mom, you're a decorating master. and it's nice to know that you're enhancing the look of your kitchen when you're not washing those millions and millions and millions of baby bottles.

bright start carrier toy bar

www.toysrus.com
my friend jen was having a hard time trying to get her son oliver to sleep at night.

one day, she and oliver came over to play and commiserate and saw cole's bright start carrier toy bar. cole was obsessed with it. he kept spinning the little bees around like a madman. i told jen that it's great to keep cole entertained in the car, since it just velcros right onto the car seat. jen noticed that oliver thought it was pretty cool, too.

that night when she got home and put oliver to bed, she gently laid him down in his crib and whispered, "ollie, if you sleep through the night tonight, i swear i'll get you that toy that cole has."

he fell asleep and didn't wake up until 6am.

jen immediately went to target and bought ollie a bright start carrier toy bar of his very own.

this is a true story.

boobie tuesday! i hate my breastpump: medela quick clean micro-steam bags

http://store.babycenter.com

another entry from the files of "i hate my breastpump." so you're finally done using the damn thing, but are you really finished? no! because now you have to disassemble it, clean it, put the milk away, and be irrationally mad that your husband can't for once just breastfeed the baby for you.

if your husband were really fantastic, he'd offer to clean everything for you. but i'll still give him 3 gold stars (out of five, not ten - don't worry) if he gets you the medela quick clean micro-steam bags.

these great little plastic bags help save you from having to scrub all the parts when you're done. just give 'em a quick rinse and pop 'em in the bag with a little water. then stick the whole thing in the microwave for as little as 2 minutes and..... done! breastpump parts are clean and sterilized and you barely had to do a thing.

each box has 5 bags good for 20 uses each and can also be used to sterilize the bottle that you accidentally dropped on the floor and your dog may have licked. i'm just saying.

3 marthas hooded towels

www.onceuponatimebaby.com

i swore i would never incorporate a bath into cole's bedtime routine. i didn't want the hassle of wrestling a cute but dripping wet baby into bed every single night.

well, i totally lost that battle.

we got a few baby towels as gifts, but one stands out above the rest: 3 marthas hooded baby towel. yes, you do really need a towel with a hood. this towel has a nice fuzzy hood, but the best part about it is its size. most baby towels are teeny and not absorbent with a weenie little hood sewn on as an afterthought.

3 marthas is a generously "real-sized" towel with a nice fluffy texture. it's the best to snuggle wet babies in, especially as they get bigger. now if only i could find a hooded towel for myself.

monday mommysaver: learn & groove musical table

www.toysrus.com

ah, another monday. and another case of "holy crap i've got you all to myself for five days and daddy's already thrown 30 electronic toys at you before he's left the house and now i have nothing left to give you to play with."

keep this one hidden for your own use until daddy leaves: the leapfrog learn & groove musical table. cole is crazy about this thing.

it has 15 different musical activities and over 40 different tunes, including the alphabet song and musical renditions of "if you're happy and you know it." want the keys and drums to make instrument sounds? done. change the setting and the same instruments will teach numbers and colors, along with "up/down" and "open/close."

the table comes with legs, but if your guy's on the littler side like mine, you can just leave the legs off and let the table sit on the blanket that now covers the floor of your living room.

have i mentioned that the learn & groove table is bilingual? this way if you get really bored of hearing the same things over and over again (cole's favorite is the little door that says "open/close") you can at least switch it up and hear "abierto/cerrado" over and over again.

"what to expect the first year"

www.amazon.com

i was so excited when i found out i was pregnant. i couldn't wait to start reading about pregnancy and looking online to find out what my baby was doing. so i dragged my husband to my first doctor's appointment and breathlessly asked my doctor what books i should be reading.

"there really aren't that many great books," she said.

"oh," i said. "well, what about websites?"

"yeah," she replied, "...stay away from the internet."

which is the best piece of pregnancy advice i've ever gotten. seriously.

how does this tie in? everyone i know had been given "what to expect when you're expecting" and EVERY SINGLE ONE of those people told me to never, ever, ever read it. (it's too alarmist, it gives you too many things to worry about, etc. etc. etc....)

on the flip side, however, "what to expect the first year" is a great book. yes, some of the timelines seem to enforce nervous parenting (the helpful "your baby should be doing this, your baby might be doing this" guidelines will make you crazy) but overall, there's lots of useful information about baby's developmental changes, sleep habits, how to bathe your child, introducing a bottle, immunizations, games to play with baby and FAQ's for every month covering just about anything you can think of and far far far too many to list here.

cushy straps

www.kiddopotamus.com

the strap covers that come with your baby's carseat usually suck. they're thin and don't do a thing to help keep your little guy's head from flopping around when you're on the go. they also don't look particularly tasty for your teething child to gnaw on.

cushystraps rule. they're animal-shaped strap covers for your carseat or stroller that keep your baby's head in place, especially when your little one falls asleep. they're soft and cuddly and, as is my rule, super cute. if you're having a baby, you are guaranteed to get these from me as part of your shower gift, i love them so much.

cushystraps come in blue kitties, pink bunnies and cream bears (that frankly look more like cream otters - sorry, bears). they attach easily to your child's mode of transportation and are machine washable. now put them on and take pictures of your baby's new pimped out ride.

latitude enfant stuffed friends

www.oompa.com

confession: i am a grown up and i still have stuffed animals. which is why i will have to fight my son for possession of julien the dog from latitude enfant.

i love you, julien. you are soft and snuggly and look like you've been hand knit. you are a dog wearing a sweater, which automatically makes you awesome. you are just the right size for my son to snuggle you and my dog wants to eat you. but i won't let her, julien. don't worry.

i wish i could adopt all your friends, too. they are equally cute and snuggly and have sassy european names like lucien the rabbit and hugo the hedgehog.

maybe we'll bring them home anyway. we don't have to tell anyone - it'll be our little secret. at least until my husband goes to find my son in his crib and discovers him buried in a comfy mound of latitude enfant stuffed animals.

play not spray!

www.playnotspray.org

did you know san francisco will be aerially sprayed for the light brown apple moth with an untested bio-pesticide starting august 1st? and that the spray could be repeated every 30-90 days for the next few years?

i don't know about you, but i really don't feel like taking my son to the park in a hamster ball.

so what can you do about this? play not spray!

1. get informed! visit playnotspray.org and stopthespray.org for more information.

2. meet other concerned moms at a pacific heights community meeting!

thursday, april 24, 6:15pm
town school for boys, 2750 jackson St. (at scott)

3. join the "play-in" at sf city hall!

you can bring your little ones to a peaceful protest with state sen. migden
monday, april 28th, 10:00am
polk street steps of sf city hall

got questions? visit play not spray at playnotspray.org for more answers!

munchkin stay-put suction bowls

www.munchkin.com

if you're starting solids, like me, you know it can be a fun but very, very, very messy experience. and if your son, like mine, managed to pick up his bowl of cereal, spill it all over the place and bop himself in the head all in one fell swoop, you'll appreciate these bowls.

munchkin's stay-put suction bowl will literally stick to the tray of your high chair, theoretically protecting you and your little one from flying sweet potatoes. they also come with handy-dandy lids to store any remaining treats from lunch. believe me, there's no guarantee that you'll emerge unscathed, but these will help you come close.

haba toys - "triangle clutching toy"

www.oompa.com

haba toy company makes really great toys for your little ones. they have lots of fun and interactive toys, but they're especially loved for their wooden toys. a little haba sheep with wooden limbs was the very first toy my husband bought for cole when we were pregnant.

cole's latest haba favorite? the triangle, awesomely and accurately described on the box as "triangle clutching toy." it has bright colors and is the perfect size for tiny hands to grab and bang against your furniture.

haba pursues ecologically safe systems of production and is the first german toy company to pass eco-audit requirements. they also use only water-based colors and varnishes, so you don't have to worry about your little one gnawing away. two great reasons not to feel guilty about buying your little dictator another toy they don't need!

baby keyes personalized baby gifts

www.babykeyes.com

as the mom of a little spit up machine (oh, leave me alone - i love him), i carry burp cloths around like they're going out of style. which they are. out of style, that is.

burp cloths are ugly and you'll inevitably end up swapping your nice padded gerber birdseye prefold burp cloth for someone else's non-absorbent burlap sack at playgroup. how to solve these problems?

baby keyes has cute embroidered burp cloths (along with onesies, blankets, bibs, and sassy ruffled diaper cover ups for little girls) that will save you! they're reasonably priced, delivered quickly and make a great personalized gift for the new mom you love... or yourself!

trumpette baby socks

www.trumpette.com/

fact: baby socks do not stay on. but trumpette socks do.

have you seen little boys wearing socks that look like high tops? little girls wearing socks that look like mary janes? those are trumpette!

trumpette socks come in great patterns and bright colors. want socks that look like golf shoes or cowboy boots? looking for polka dots, stripes or even tiny argyle? trumpette socks are for you.

as we said: most baby socks fall off when they're little, and get pulled off when they're bigger. but trumpette socks seem to have the magic ability to stay where they belong - on tiny baby feet. not only that, but they'll stand up to the ten billion washings you'll put them through and still come out looking shiny and new.

* thanks to jen for reminding us about trumpette!

boobie tuesday! i hate my breastpump: hands-free bustier

www.easyexpressionproducts.com/

i'll admit it: before i had my son, breastfeeding kind of gave me the heebie jeebies. i know, i know, it's natural and wonderful and fantastic and i'm of course now one of the remaining moms that i know who's still doing it, so obviously things worked out.

one of my main qualms, however, had less to do with the feeding and more to do with the pump. ugh. i don't know a single nursing mom who actually likes that thing. it's like a really bad date where you get felt up - but he never buys you dinner. or calls. and is a breast pump.

the worst part is being stuck to this thing for 15 minutes every time you pump. after my husband asked me if i'd ever seen that star trek episode where people get attacked by borgs and started chanting "you will be assimilated" at me, i knew it was time to do something.

the easy expressions "bustier" (and that term is used very, very, very loosely) will at least save you from having to hold the f-ing things every time you pump. think of it as an ugly tube top that zips up the front and has super-easy access. aside from the hilarious illustration on the package (see above), since i doubt you're conducting important office work in your breastpump and denim button down, it at least will allow you to check your e-mail or use the remote while you're captive.

ugly? hell yes. necessary? oh my goodness, yes. as my friend jen said, "this thing is nasty, but it will save your life."

earth's best organic baby food

www.earthsbest.com

when we starting feeding cole "real" food, i was so excited! i was also an idiot. when his doctor told me that he should start with rice cereal, i actually asked her if she meant "...like rice crispies?" (leave me alone. i've never done this before.)

then, of course, i decided that i was going to make my own baby food! all the time! i would practically grow the vegetables myself! it would be great! yeah, that wasn't going to happen. don't get me wrong - i'm perfectly capable of mashing a banana up with a fork, but half the time i don't prepare things on time or don't have anything in the house other than a mostly-eaten box of fig newtons.

enter earth's best. they make organic baby food that's affordable and easy. their rice cereal is whole grain, so even if your dinner consists of two spoonfuls of frosting and some leftover chinese food (um, hypothetically speaking, of course), your baby can have healthy delicious meals.

jarred baby food is organic as well, and categorized into three stages for different textures and food combinations suitable for babies of every age. earth's best can be found almost everywhere, from whole foods to safeway, so you have no excuse not to stock up. now, where's that frosting...

wallcandy arts - wall decals for tiny tykes

www.wallcandyarts.com/

it took us no less than 3 weeks and $200 in paint samples to figure out a color for cole's room, so it's no wonder we had a hard time trying to decide what to put on the walls. family photos? too grown up. chalkboard? too messy. mural? too permanent. then one day, we discovered wallcandy.

wallcandy arts are "stickers" that are movable - and removable - art. the decals can be applied to almost any surface and moved or taken down leaving no trace behind. we used the dottilicious kit (see left) for cole's room, and let's just say it's a good thing they can be moved around so much, because we couldn't make up our minds.

wallcandy comes in lots of fun shapes and colors, including "grazeland" (comes with grass, sheep, farmhouse and peeps), "seasons" (trees with movable limbs, flowers and leaves, shown right), "pilot's planes" (planes and fluffy white clouds) and movable chalkboard circles, among many others. their matte design means they end up looking more like stencils than stickers.

wallcandy is the perfect solution for fickle parental designers such as myself. since they're completely removable, if you ever tire of them, you can pull them down and replace them with your second favorite design!

monday mommysaver: baby einstein exersaucer

www.toysrus.com/

baby einstein exersaucer, how i love you. i love you so much that you are the mascot for little dictators.

cole is 8 1/2 months and still loves the exersaucer. i mean, this thing has some serious longevity. half our pictures of cole are of him in the exersaucer because he is just so freakin' happy in there.

there are nine different types of activities, including spinny globe thing, thing with a picture of a cow on it that moos when you push on it and awesome dino-dragon puppet. (note: these may not be the technical terms.) this was one of the very first toys he loved, other than his mobile.

bad for me but good for you - the exersaucer was recently redesigned with better colors and much more aesthetically pleasing fabric, so it's not a total eyesore. because believe me when i say this thing will live in your living room.

added bonus: the exersaucer is stable and keeps your baby happy long enough for you to actually make a cup of coffee, check your e-mail or scarf down a luna bar for breakfast.

baby bargains

www.amazon.com

picture it: you're standing in babies r us, surrounded by screaming toddlers, anxious moms-to-be and your increasingly impatient husband. but you can't leave yet, because you absolutely have to buy [fill in the blank - a crib, a high chair, a glider, a car seat, a stroller...] before you go home.

there are so many products out there, how are you supposed to choose which one is the best? you have two options:
1) visit little dictators AND
2) buy the book "baby bargains"

baby bargains outlines great discounts, online deals and money saving secrets for baby items, but that's not why we like it. we love it for their well-organized review section, where they compare and contrast the most popular cribs, mattresses, strollers, bedding, high chairs, car seats and more. items are given an easy-to-understand letter grade and are cleverly put into compare and contrast charts.

this was our purchasing bible before we had our little guy, and now that we're in the market for a new high chair (sorry, crusty plaid inherited high chair thoughtfully given to us by friends), we're once again toting "baby bargains" around with us to every store we visit.

golden gate mothers group

http://www.ggmg.org/
a friend of mine with two little boys likened being a new mom to being a freshman - having to start all over, not knowing what you're doing and desperately trying to make new friends that understand your suddenly completely different lifestyle.

being one of the first of my friends to have a baby, i can attest to how difficult it is to make "mom friends." i felt like a dork trying to smile at every other woman i saw pushing a stroller, most of whom looked at me like i was a crazy person. enter Golden Gate Mothers Group.

Golden Gate Mothers Group (GGMG) is a fantastic, san francisco-based organization to help you meet other moms. they're renowned for two things, message boards and playgroups.

• GGMG message boards: this is where i found my sleep consultant, asked people about pediatricians, found out what parks to go to, saw nanny listings and recommendations, quizzed moms about age-appropriate toys and so much more. you can find a gently used bugaboo or discover how to stop swaddling your baby. an endless resource for soon-to-be and new moms.

• GGMG playgroups: new moms are put into playgroups according to their child's birthdate, so you'll be with other moms who are literally going through the exact same things you are. want to find out what other babies are doing at your child's age? need to swap tales of sleepless nights? feel the urge to play "i'm a crazier mother than you are - guess what i did today?" (ummm..... maybe that's just me.) these groups are for you. i made some fantastic friends and met some really great moms through my playgroup.

GGMG is a priceless resource for new moms that i highly recommend. and one of the best ways to find out that really, you're not alone!

* have suggestions for mom groups in other cities? we'd love to hear about them!

divas and dudes bibs

www.divasanddudesbycruz.com

when i asked my cousin (whose son is 8 months older than my son) for recommendations on bibs, she said, "they all suck."

which for the most part is true.

but divas and dudes makes bibs that actually stay on! and cover more than one inch of your baby! and aren't shirt-ruining sponges! and are cute! bibs come in a variety of retro patterns and sassy prints, like sushi menu, cupcakes and seersucker with skulls for your bad-ass baby.

available online and at nordstrom, among other places.

via toy boxes

http://viatoybox.com/

we looked FOREVER to find bookshelves for cole's room. and i mean forever. everything was either ugly, ridiculously expensive, or weighed ten thousand pounds and would come crashing down on our tiny baby boy's head.

via toy boxes fit all our requirements. low enough not to topple over and smush baby? check. reasonably priced? check. well-made? check. most importantly..... cute? double check.

you can mix n' match the box fronts and arrange them to suit your style, with 4 different shapes and 12 different colors to choose from. you can set up the boxes as a bookshelf, table, nightstand, storage unit, even as part of a bed. the possibilities are endless!

the photo here really doesn't do via toy box justice - in person, the colors pop and we never fail to get compliments on the boxes. they can store everything from books (when you add the bookshelf option) to ten million stuffed dachshunds to puzzles to blocks to any number of toys your child doesn't need. they've also proven sturdy enough for cruising tots to pull themselves up on and reach in.

via toy box even does custom colors, so if you really want to create storage that matches your child's eye color, you can! and i won't judge you... much.

"i can't imagine why anybody would want to stop crying"

www.theonion.com

oh man, i love the onion. and i love it even more now that it's glaringly obvious someone who works there has a small child.

this fabulous op/ed, entitled "i can't imagine why anybody would want to stop crying," ostensibly written by a two-month-old, had me from the opening:

"Life has so many wonderful experiences to offer. Like sleep. But I find life offers few opportunities more rewarding than screaming like a maniac until your voice cracks with the strain, so that the entire universe can share in your distress. That's what life is all about, right?"

having a rough day? not sleeping? baby screaming? this one's for you. enjoy.

*special thanks to cole's uncle mike for the link

wholesome baby food

www.wholesomebabyfood.com

you're finally ready to start your baby on solids! hooray! now what the frack are you supposed to do?!?!

wholesomebabyfood.com is a great website with guides and helpful, easy-to-read charts on what foods to start your baby on and when. there's a lot of information out there, but this is online and searchable - no scouring a huge book to figure out what to do.

there are also answers to your top questions, like "do i have to start with cereal?" "how much should my baby eat?" and "how do i clean mashed avocado out of onesies?" (okay, maybe not the last one. but the rest and more are there.)

my gym - activities, mommy & me and fun!

http://www.my-gym.com/

people have been talking about my gym everywhere i go! i finally gave in and disrupted the little prince's nap schedule to try it out. (we'll see how he sleeps tonight.....)

my gym is incredible. they do fun mommy and me classes for little ones in age appropriate groups, starting as young as 6 weeks. in cole's group today (for "tiny tykes," 7-14 months) we sang in a circle, and then had a blast in the ball pit, bounced on a trampoline, pretended to slide down a slide and swung around in a swing.

also, possibly the best part? no endless repeating of "the wheels on the bus" over the loudspeaker. instead, today we were treated to the musical stylings of gorillaz, madonna and marvin gaye, including others, so you won't want to bang your head against the wall.

the facilites are clean and bright and the group leaders are really warm and welcoming, making you feel like they actually want to be there entertaining your child. sorry, gymboree, you've met your match.

my gym has locations all across the country - check their website for classes near you.

secure-a-toy strap - save runaway toys!

www.babyant.com

we're at that wonderful new stage where Throwing Things is Fun!!! woo! and throwing things out of the stroller is extra super amazing fun! watch me throw all my sanitized toys on the dirty, dirty ground!

prevent runaway - or really, throw-away - toys with the secure-a-toy strap by baby buddy. it snaps easily on both ends - one around your baby's favorite toy and the other around their stroller or carseat. although if your child is like mine, they'll soon discover that the strap itself is their new favorite toy.

want to be in a focus group for DayOne?

http://www.dayonecenter.com/

sf east bay mommies - day one needs your help! if you read this, you know how much we love DayOne. here's a message just for you.......feel free to pass it along!

"DayOne is coming to Walnut Creek in June and we need your help!

We are conducting focus groups with new moms and pregnant women who live in the East Bay and would love to invite your friends to participate! We promise the groups are fun -- we'll talk all about their pregnancy, their baby, their life - and we'll have lots of food and goodies for them to make it worth their time.

Interested participants should contact beth@dayonecenter.com with their name, email address and due date/age of baby for more information."

flor modular carpet tiles

www.flor.com

okay, so your little one is too young to spill grape juice on the carpet, but it's only a matter of time. and until then, you can expect spit-up, sticky fingers, drool and scores of other wondrous messes, all courtesy of your adorable baby.

time to get rid of that soft fluffy shag carpet you had in mind. too hard to clean and too easy to lose miscellaneous lego pieces that you will later find with your bare feet. turn instead to flor.

flor carpet tiles are great for baby and kid's rooms. they're easy to install and come in a wide variety of kid- and parent-friendly colors, textures and patterns. want a sassy jigsaw pattern? soft pink cloud-like texture? rough-and-tumble wool blends? go to flor. and since they come in tiles, if you spill on one you can just lift it up, rinse it off and put it back! (or in case of emergencies, completely replaced.)

flor carpet tiles are thick enough to withstand foot traffic (both big and small) and soft enough for crawling babies to roll around on. they're also sturdy enough to support a myriad of toy trucks driving around, a weiner dog running all over them and a few falling almost-walkers. the best part about these tiles? once put together, they look like one big carpet and no one will know your secret but me.

tiny smiles stroller toys

www.tinylove.com

do you have a new baby? do you see parents pushing strollers with all sorts of stuff hanging off of it? do you think you need that stuff, too, so that your baby can be properly stimulated to prepare him for his future mensa membership?

also, do you have no idea where to find that stuff?

tiny love's stroller toys are just what you're looking for. they'll keep your brand new baby's attention and give your bigger babies something to grab onto when you stroll them around town. they come in four little characters: elephant, monkey, bird and frog (pictured). you can also clip them onto an activity mat when you're hanging out at home or string them all together for an instant, portable way to keep your baby occupied while you try to eat lunch.

monday mommysaver: leapfrog spin and sing alphabet zoo

www.amazon.com

it's monday! your husband is back at work and you are once again faced with the question, "oh my precious darling angel - what the heck am i going to do with you all day?"

leapfrog's spin and sing alphabet zoo is a true baby pleaser. there are three different settings for your little one to do - they spin the wheel to learn letters, animals, or the olde faithful alphabet song.

true, some of the choices will make you scratch your head ("u" is for "umbrella bird"? really? "x" is for "x-ray fish?") and some of the animal sounds are questionable (i really don't think a newt sounds like a jazz piano), but your little one will love to spin the wheel over and over again, especially when they're able to sit up.

having the theme songs stuck in your head for days is a small price to pay to keep your little guy happy and entertained. now if you'll excuse me, i'm off to sing "spin, spin a letter" for the 700th time today.

gilligan & o'malley nursing tank tops

www.target.com

are you breastfeeding your little one? are you tired of the new-mom-trying-not-to-show-too-much-boob dance? or perhaps you prefer the exposing-the-boob-while-trying-not-to-pull-up-your-shirt and show-everyone-your-post-partum-belly dance?

gilligan & o'malley nursing tanks are the solution. every nursing mom i know has a closet full of these. why waste your money on some fancy nursing shirt that you (hopefully) won't be wearing forever? gilligan & o'malley tanks are available at target (everyone's favorite store), come in black, white & gray and are only $16.99. (i've also heard rumors of new colors.... the things that excite me these days! woo!)

now you can save the rest of your money to buy new shoes, since the old ones no longer fit on your post-baby feet.

kiehl's baby wash

www.kiehls.com

do you really need to spend $20 on baby wash? probably not. but if you do, spend it on kiehl’s.

kiehl’s baby products are pediatrician-tested for sensitivity and allergies, so they're safe for even the most delicate of little tushies. most importantly, kiehl's baby washes smell g-r-e-a-t! and if you’ve incorporated the bath into your bedtime routine, like me, then you want to make sure you’re using something you don’t mind smelling every single day.

baby wash comes in two formulas: "gentle cleansing milk," which soothes and moisturizes dry baby skin, and "gentle foaming hair and body wash," which pumps right out into a foam – so easy, even your husband could do it!

sleep sheep

http://www.sleepsheepandfriends.com/

Sleep Sheep! sleep sheep saved my life. i only wish i'd had him earlier....sleep sheep is a plush sheep that makes soothing white noise sounds for your little one, like ocean (cole's favorite), mother's heartbeat, rain and whale song (which is a little weird, but whatever).
when cole was little(er), sometimes white noise was the ONLY thing that would calm him down. and you get very tired of shushing at them. now that he's older, it helps him fall asleep and, even better, can cover up some of the household nighttime noises. no, nothing interesting - more like emptying the dishwasher and watching "top chef" reruns.

the sheep attaches easily to a bassinet or crib with a sturdy velcro strap, is fluffity soft and has a timer so you can turn it on and sneak out of the room. the only problem? now i'm addicted to it, too.

day one center

http://dayonecenter.com/

for all my bay area mommies.... day one is the best! need advice on a nursing bra? want to take a class on introducing solids to your baby? looking for someplace to buy toys and tiny socks? got someplace to call and ask how long breastmilk lasts in the fridge? (answer: about 3 days.)

day one center is the perfect go-to resource for moms and moms-to-be. they're a support group, baby store and education center all in one. they have great playgroups based on age and awesome classes like "dad and baby massage" that you can make your husband attend.

day one is like disneyland for new and expectant moms.

before and after my son was born, day one saved my life. my obgyn (who i love and has two young boys of her own) first suggested day one center to me before i'd even heard of it. on my first visit, i not only became a member, but i signed up for childbirth, child care, breastfeeding and breast pump classes. then, after my son was born, i visited them for lactation help, new mom groups, sleep classes, infant and child cpr instruction and to buy swaddle blankets and toys my son didn't need.

i love day one. located in san francisco (laurel heights), palo alto and coming soon to walnut creek.

rubis baby nail scissors

www.swissknifeshop.com

have you ever cut a baby's fingernails? no? you should - it's AWESOME! between your little guy squirming around and deciding he hates you to being terrified that you're going to cut your baby's fingers off, it's quite an experience. what could be better?

we got ten million pair of "specially designed baby fingernail clippers." they all sucked. the pair with the magic finger guard, the pair with the built in magnifying glass that even my engineer husband didn't know how to use..... each pair left me more terrified than the last.

to help make it easier, use rubis' baby nail scissors. they come in a cute little elephant case so they look innocuous and have soft, rounded tips to protect inquisitive fingers. the blades have a slight curve, making cutting baby's nails quick and easy. and unlike nail clippers, you can actually see what you're doing!

the blades on the scissors are sharp enough so you only have to cut once, but the blunt ends help you worry less about poking your darling little angel. they're not cheap, but trust me - they're worth every penny. my advice? buy them up front. it'll be better than the ten pair of clippers you'll be throwing out. because once you use rubis' baby nail scissors, there's no going back.

zutano cotton sherpa booties

http://www.comfykid.com/

zutano's fleecey sherpa booties are fantastic to keep little feeties warm. they come in a wide variety of colors, from moss to tangerine, and are great when baby socks keep falling off. which they will.

booties come in snuggly fleecey warmness and also lighter weight cotton booties in a ton of different sassy prints.

they're especially helpful for those 0-6 month old feet who can't quite fit into robeez but still want to stay warm when you're baby bjorn-ing them about town. (and yes, bjorn-ing is now a verb. you'll see.)

tiny prints

http://www.tinyprints.com/

tiny prints! we just ordered some gorgeous thank you notes with cole's picture from them. how wish i knew about them before for shower invitations and baby announcements. it might have meant actually sending out the announcements in the mail instead of our "we just had a baby" e-mail that my child will resent me for.

tiny prints delivers high-quality cards on a fast turnaround with lots of cute n' sassy styles for thank you notes, birth announcements, party invitations, shower invites, gift tags & labels and even new puppy announcements, if you happen to be a crazy dog person like myself.

Ask Moxie

http://www.askmoxie.org/

ask moxie is a fantastic website with great advice for tired mommies about things like "my baby rolls over in his crib - what do i do?" "my toddler has decided he hates the bath" and the terrible, horrible four-month-sleep-regression that no one tells you about.

moxie is a mom like you who posts questions from moms, helpful tips about childcare, sleep and breastfeeding. because no one really understands what you're going through like another mom. or your shrink.

who runs little dictators, anyway?

hey there! did i tell you i managed to take a shower today? that's a HUGE accomplishment, because i have children! that's right!

a "good night's sleep" is three consecutive hours. i may be covered in spit-up and/or truck stickers. yes, i'm wearing uggs. they're comfortable. leave me alone.

i can now sleep through the sound of a jackhammer, but i will hear my child's teeniest tiniest whimper from ten miles away. if you ring the doorbell during naptime, i *may* kill you. no jury would convict me.

i can entertain an infant for hours on end. i know at least three songs that i can sing over and over and over again. i can do so many things with only one free hand that i put the drummer from def leppard to shame.

i am capable of tasks most mere mortals would never dream of - like feeding my child and updating my facebook account at the same time.

i am amazing. i am exhausted. i am a mom. and i wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. (except maybe more sleep.)

***

little dictators is the overlap in the venn diagram where snark and parenthood meet.  with illustrations!

hopefully little dictators will provide the kind of entertainment that only one sleep-deprived, drooled-on, house-bound, elated and exhausted parent can give another. all illustrations you see here are kid-tested and mom-approved by our trusted little dictators team (me), and even dachshund-approved on special occasions.

we love to hear your stories and ideas, so please feel free to e-mail us at littledictators@gmail.com if you'd like to share.

happy parenting! oh, and try and get some sleep.