you can run, but you can't hide from your children in the bathroom for long

dear husbands,

here's a little secret: your wife does not suddenly suffer from lactose intolerance. it's just that the bathroom is the last place she can justifiably hide from her children.

note to my husband: i would never do this. ever. maybe just once. once a day. or twice. twice a day. probably more on weekends.

this is your lingerie drawer.... on toddlers.

yeah, we all like to pretend that we're the hot milf at our kids school.  or maybe that's just me.  don't judge.

it is, of course, easier to pretend how hot and put-together i am when i'm not wearing my uggs and my husband's sweatshirt that says "my weiner does tricks" underneath a picture of a dachshund.  again, don't judge.

while i fancy myself to still be the cool chick i was in college when i worked at victoria's secret for a semester and ended up with a drawer of garter belts, the reality is a little different these days.  by which i mean drastically, completely different.

yeah.  that's a sad state of affairs.